August 7, 2014 , I moved to Summit County, Colorado to work with a church plant. I had recently graduated from college and just felt this was where God was leading me. I have been blessed  to have so many friends and family support me  in so many ways especially financially and spiritually. I had planned to write a monthly blog to update my friends and family (YOU GUYS) but month after month it fell through because as  the title says #thestruggleisreal.  What I mean is my journey to Colorado has not been an easy one. Its been challenging and tough  and my struggle during these past few months, my ups and downs just kept me from sharing all the things God was, is and is still doing. So why am I writing now?

2 weeks ago, I met up with my huddle group ( a place where discipleship and growth happens in a tight community) and we have been reading a book called Hind’s Feet on High Places (definitely check this book out) by Hannah Hurnard. It was there while sharing about what God was saying  to each of us , the topic of struggling through our faith cam up.  We talked about how  we are often surprised when struggle comes up in our walk with Christ and instead of boasting in our weakness as Paul says in 2 Corinthians 12:9-10, we hide and are ashamed of them. I brought up how it seems struggle is only brought up after there is success. After one has conquered a struggle then it is proclaimed. I was quickly convicted by my own words. I started to share with these ladies how I wanted to write a blog about things God has been doing but each month I postponed it because i was struggling so much. As I shared why each month i postponed, we just laughed (a whole lot. Apparently, I was giving my self to much leeway with this project! But the best thing happened because they encouraged me to write and are now keeping me accountable to sharing what’ s been going on with me here.

All that to say this is one of more to come. But its January 31st and I am not the same person I was August 7th,  when i first moved here. So my pastor , Leila had an awesome idea of sharing some of my journals from those past few months. The series for these specific blog posts is called, #thestruggleisreal, because many of these journal excerpts display my past and current struggles.  This is the first of  many more excerpts to come.  After each journal excerpt I hope to share my current struggle, how God has grown me from then and what God is doing now.   So I invite you into my journey to new places.

August 15, 2014

“ I’m in Colorado.I don’t really love it here- well at least culturally its different.I’m desiring to not be here and one of the hardest things here is to wonder when I’m leaving? Or will I be called here for life? I miss my life, my family and friends so much. I sometimes just want to be with them again. I still feel like I want to meet someone in a year and move away. Its so not what I would call home, not a place  I want to make home or want to be.

I’m constantly comparing myself to Nina, Lydia, Matthew and Elora, etc, and seeing how perfect they were for here and even if they weren’t I keep saying at least they’re married and not alone. But Lydia is single, so is Nina- I just struggle being called here. But if God called me. If he wants me here- than it must be for good reason. He has equipped, he leads and he saves. He must have a plan for me. But will I ever be content in that? That is my choice.”

Wow, writing that journal entry above was harder than I thought. I even contemplated as I was writing it, taking some things out. But I don’t want to be afraid or cover up my struggles. So that was  about a week of being out here. I was scared , and frustrated. I had felt God was leading me to Colorado ever since I heard Eric from Elements Church speak at World Mission Summit in 2012. I had spent the summer living with the pastors as an intern, the summer of 2013. It was the hardest summer of my life spiritually because I was challenged and convicted by the lifestyles of my pastors and members of this church. They were really living the gospel out in a  tangible way; In a county with less than 5% Christians. Physically, mentally and spiritually I wanted to run away from Colorado that summer because there was so much discomfort, so much I didn’t know, so much fear of change and the great unknown. So much change I knew I had to face if i were to move here But I went because God was encouraging me and bringing me here. For the rest of that year, I struggled with my decision and what lie ahead in Colorado. When I finally got to Colorado, it hit me harder than I thought. The realization of being away from  the familiar and away from home. Everything was new and different and i didn’t like that feeling. I guess now that I look back i felt out of control.  SO when I got there I kept trying to fast forward to the end of my time here. Crazy right? I was so afraid of just being here, getting a job, fitting in, making friends. I just graduated college where after 4 years I had built great friendships, memories etc. I was known and I knew a lot ( so i thought). And now i was starting new and that terrified me. I  would often hope to get married and move away. or wished I would meet someone here because I often felt so alone and so different. I struggled comparing myself to my friends which i mentioned above who are also working with the church.  All I could see is how well they were placed here and how oddly placed I was. Comparing myself robbed me from much joy and often held me back from seeing the good of what God was doing at that time.  I knew without  A DOUBT God had called me here but I couldn’t reconcile my discomfort or think that I could ever be happy here. Being content was and still is a theme God has brought up a lot. Whether I was still in Gainesville or anywhere else in Florida,  my location couldn’t and wouldn’t  change my attitude and perspective. I have and still am realizing contentment is my choice. It doesn’t depend on circumstance because circumstance is ever changing.  So where am I now about all this?

I have grown to like  Colorado much more  than I thought. The beauty of the mountains and snow , the  challenge and life giving community I get to work with, the people I have met here and  being taken out of my own comforts- these are some things that I have really come to love. I have definitely been stretched here. I am leading things I never thought I could like playing guitar for worship  and taking over the children’s ministry in my church. I have grown in what it means to be content and man I wish i was better at this but I realize that my contentment is a choice that wont change with a better job, salary , location and marriage. I realize  that God will lead you to hard places but he will never leave you. And  I am learning to see that I have everything in life to be joyful and live fully. It is my choice. yesterday at church gathering my friend Kyle preached on this verse:

1 Timothy 6:6-10

⁶ But godliness with contentment is great gain. ⁷ For we brought nothing into the world, and we can take nothing out of it. ⁸ But if we have food and clothing, we will be content with that. ⁹ Those who want to get rich fall into temptation and a trap and into many foolish and harmful desires that plunge people into ruin and destruction. ¹⁰ For the love of money is a root of all kinds of evil. Some people, eager for money, have wandered from the faith and pierced themselves with many griefs.

I am not saying riches are bad or anything but that riches cannot add anymore to your life than you think.  This verse has  convicted me. And I know that being content is a choice; and if  I have God I have everything right? I guess it my choice to believe that or not. I pray that this process in learning this truth will  truly transform me. well that’s all for now!

-Rachelle