My journey to Colorado has shown me the intentions and hopes of my heart. The brokenness inside and my heart that longs to be heard yet longs to be so selfishly seen

I want to be great. That’s what I wanted a cool, amazing call from God that allowed me to rise on platforms proclaiming God in a way where my name rises and his decreases. I have desired a name for myself. I wanted a job that meant something or showed I went to college. I have a degree right? Doesn’t that make me more ? And doesn’t it make me less if I accept a job that is less than, that pays minimum wage or isn’t in some amazing field that yields me great benefits and limitless financial gain?

And then I got a job, better than some I looked down on and guess what ? it wasn’t enough compared to another job with higher pay. It isn’t enough and would never be. Then I looked on facebook and compared over and over others success stories and my seemingly apparent failures. My lack of value which didn’t seemed to come from God at all but my job. My position in life. And this was not just  with my job but my financial situation,  my relationship status, my accomplishments, and just my overall status.

So my journey to Colorado has brought a lot of issues to the surface. God has shown me my heart, my wickedness and my desire to be apart of this world and made know in this world. So my attitude  has been less than joyous because of my “supposed situation”. My lack of stuff, my lack of exciting purpose and all these ideas have robbed me of the joy of Gods life for me.

I came out here to work with a church  plant. To learn how love  people in a place not  open to God. To be a light, to be there for your family and friends, and those who are without those. To be selfless, and forget about the constant light and momentary troubles that plague me, they plague me so much much that I forget the magnitude and awesomeness of the One who loves ME. The one who’s radical love first changed me in the first place. And his love is enough, it is enough for me. I say this to remind me, it is  a truth i am being transformed by day by day.

If we, ( I speak to Christians ) are really not of this world why does this world’s amenities continue to define us? Why is it that if I’m not doing something great, or what we call great like going oversees, getting a higher job or gaining more accolades, we are not enough. None of these are bad in the selves but where our heart is in their pursuit will show where our greatest treasure and trust lies. And honestly, I have found mine to be displaced.

Those who followed God were praised with this phrase “He/She walked with God.” This is how they were praised not by the crowds they reached or the stuff they acquired. But by whom they walked with. A life well lived is walked with God. He defines us and is our foundation. And in that way Moses was able to lead Israel out of Egypt, in that way ordinary men became fearless disciples, and  in that way everyday  countless  believers  make  a difference daily by walking with God and doing His will.This is Great.

So maybe you are not in “the job”, you don’t have a plan, or you are currently not happy because of whatever circumstance life has thrown at you; but rejoice because this  light and momentary trouble is preparing for us an eternal weight of Glory beyond all comparison. So stop comparing and let us walk with God, to show and tell the world of the kingdom of God. If we are his, it is enough and it enables us to live  free- free from  the allusion that this life and it’s stuff weigh more than what no eye has seen or ear has heard.

I am thankful that God has brought me to this beautiful place. Where the wretchedness of my heart comes to light and Gods love shines a light that transforms me.   I am especially thankful for my Elements Church family, for constantly reminding me of God’s great love and truth.  For  “Love is beautiful, but also terrible- terrible in its determination to allow nothing blemished or unworthy to remain in the beloved” – Hannah Hurnard, Hinds’ feet on High places. I am thankful for this love and all  that God is teaching me  in this season.

2 Corinthians 4:17-18 ” For this light momentary affliction is preparing for us an eternal weight of  Glory beyond all comparison,as we look not to the things that are seen but to the things that are unseen. For the things that are seen are transient, but the things that are unseen are eternal”