Psalm 90:10a, 12 “The years of our life are seventy, or even by reason of strength eighty… So teach us to number our days that we may get a heart of wisdom.”

I find it funny that as kids we long to be adults and as adults we wonder what we were rushing into in the first place. Adulthood is a beautiful & messy wake up call or at least it was for me. You long for the ability to do “whatever you want.” Only to find everything you want costs. These costs come in so may ways from financial to emotional and so much more. As kids, we had the luxury of dreaming of our dream life without having to think about the cost of those things. I think that’s what makes going into adulthood tough, I can have whatever I want but its going to cost me.

My early 30’s has been a decade where I have begun to reflect about my 20’s. The choices that I made and the results of them for the good and the bad. I will be honest, I have tended more towards the negatives than the good. So for today, I want to share some of the brokenness of my 20’s; some of the things I wish I did or knew. One of my biggest lessons is that are time is limited. Psalm 90:10-12 is abbreviated above but the reason I wrote it is because being wise about my time is a lesson I am currently learning. As much as people have said tomorrow isn’t promised, I wake up every morning expecting it to be there. The verse above challenges us to remember how short our lives are in the span of history 70-80 on average; So how will we live understanding that our time is short. If there is anything I wish I knew is that I will mot always have time as much as I think. Time feels endless , but as we all know its the one thing you can’t get back. With something as valuable time, how do I value it better in this new decade? There are 3 things I wish I did differently in my 20’s: dating, beliefs, & finances.

Lessons Learned from Dating in my 20s

I wish I wasn’t afraid to make mistakes in this area. I wish I would have dated more to and put my heart out there more. The 20’s fly by and I just wish I trusted myself to figure out this stage more. I also wish I wasn’t afraid to date people I actually could see myself with long term. I dated mostly short- term in my 20s. I started dating right before I turned 26 and I realized at that age I was not trying to get married. I barely knew what I wanted in a person, so I purposefully dated non- christians I knew I wouldn’t marry because the lack of similar beliefs. I know, toxic but that’s why I am grateful for growth and change. Not dating christians, also just limited my opportunities to meet great potential partners. I say this all to say- I have learned a lot from my dating woes and the lack thereof. As I step into my 33rd year of life in a few weeks, I am excited to be intentionally dating people I align with spiritually, mentally and emotionally!

Lessons Learned from My own beliefs in my 20s

When I say beliefs, I mean more than just my spiritual beliefs but those stories and things we tell our selves. I wish I realized how much my thought track or talk track to myself affected how I showed up for myself and others. I was so afraid to be me. I have thought too often what others think and not what I want in my life. Realizing I am the CEO of my life really makes going into adulthood more like an adventure than a crapshoot lol. So little in life is controlled by us, but the much that is has to do with our own selves. Owning that my not so good habits, untapped talents & potential &, my fear around being authentically- are actually in my control. I think knowing how much agency we have in life can be both empowering & scary. Much of my 20s, I looked at the things that affected my outside world, the things that affect me that I can’t control.In my 30s, I now realize how much more I can control about me despite the changing circumstances in life. In my early 30’s I’ve grieved how much I didn’t go after forming better habits, stepping into unknown territory or intentionally asking myself what I want in life and going after it. I now know, how much choice and power I have over my career, dreams and aspirations and I am excited to go after it. I grieved my 20’s because I could not replicate that decade; I literally could not turn back the clock. And there’s something so heavy about that. The lesson is life is short and you won’t get back that time. So If I am going to live it, I might as well go after boldly because as they say no one make it out alive. Morbid I know, but grief reminds us life is short and worth living courageously. My life looks very different than what I imagined.The last 3 years, I felt like I wasted my 20’s; mainly because I couldn’t see what I did with it. In retrospect, I see I have grown but much of my gains have been internal. I’ve growth in my character and beliefs. There are physical goals, I have hit too like buying a house, traveling internationally and more! When I look back on my 20s, I can now reflect and be proud of the girl who quit her job to pursue a full-time MBA, navigated moving on my own to 2 new cities, and learning to be her true self along the way. I grieve and let go of any loss in my 20s, so that now I can embrace this new place in my life that I am still discovering.Now I look forward to the future, where for a long time I was afraid of it. When would I be married, have kids? What will my career be? How do I retire by 40? Literally all questions, I still have but I am excited to walk towards them, fear and all.

Lessons Learned from Finances

What I know now in my 30’s about money has changed drastically. There are a lot of careless things I did with money that if I could go back I would do differently. When I was in my 20’s I was mostly broke and the little money I had I truly did budget. I learned a lot from a mentor about finances. One thing he told me when it came to budgeting was you can cut expenses but you will always have a limit on that cause life cost. However, there is no ceiling to how much you can earn. At the time, I don’t think I understood that. I feel like a 9-5 is a solid way to make money but there are so many side hustle or businesses’ you can do to get extra cash. I didn’t think singing was a realistic career for me growing up. Until I moved to Detroit and after a karaoke night I was offered a singing gig to sing at Corporate Christmas party in South Carolina. They would cover room and board with a plus one. They also offered $1000 for the 2 hour gig without me negotiating! Did I take it? NO and its one of my biggest regrets cause I was afraid and didn’t feel I could do it or have the right equipment. I could have just figured it out! That opened my mind to how much opportunity and abundance there is if we are open to it. Plus if I got 2-3 gigs month that would easily be an extra 2-3k/ month! That’s a 24-36k raise a year! I also learned I could make a pretty penny renting a room in my home. While most people don’t want to do this- its helped me get extra cash for projects like my basement. While I can be better at cutting expenses, I will admit. there is a lot to earn out there and there is no shortage of opportunity. I also wish I started investing more seriously in my 20s. even if it was just a little here and there- a little goes a long way! In my 30’s my biggest finance goal is rating my 40. How? Real estate has always been my answer. Lately, I have been imagining it in a lot of ways! I have realized I can bet on myself more than I thought. I am looking forward in my 30’s being more intentional with my finances to reach the higher goal of financial freedom

To my 20’s I say thank you for the lessons learned especially those hard earned ones; I am letting go of the things that I felt held me back. I am grateful because everything I learned I can now take fully into my 30’s with a little more confidence and boldness than before. To anyone grieving their 20’s, take the lessons, cherish the memories and let it inspire you to live better than the last decade! So much life is waiting on you!