2 Corinthians 7:10 ” For godly grief produces a repentance that leads to salvation without regret, whereas worldly grief leads to death.”

Writing My Fears

I feel like am running from writing these entries. And I find it odd, how at first it was easy to post each week. but with every week, I feel a certain part of me wanting to close off. Wanting to not show up. Feelings of shame and embarrassment flood my mind. They question,” why are you writing these things that are deeply vulnerable?” And who cares to listen?

My true fear is that I would be seen. That my heart would be written on my sleeve for all to judge and see. honestly, it is hard to show up, when you are afraid of being seen. The last few weeks I have barely posted on social media because I feel so vulnerable writing these. And I missed writing last week. I find myself evading the thing I said I would commit to the most. To post once a week. I heard God say this. And at first it was like yes! But as the weeks progress, these post get deep and make me ask- what grieves me? I had no idea , there was so much in me. But more than that, I’ve been afraid of running out of topics or saying the same things. I realize a lot of my grief overlaps. Themes of faith, singleness, loneliness, the future and a fear of becoming all overlap in these posts. And when I am uncertain what to write I look at my notes app and find many of my notes have spoken on this notion of grief.

Godly Grief vs Worldly Grief

One of the biggest, things I have learned reading past notes is the lack of hope that often accompanies grief. Whether grieving over a ex- love, lost loved one or a version of a life that did not happen, their is a sadness that creeps in. And grief is good and normal; grief helps us let go. However, there are 2 types of grief. The Bible talks about a grief that is godly and a worldly grief. 2nd Corinthians 7:10 says, ” For godly grief produces a repentance that leads to salvation without regret, whereas worldly grief leads to death.”

Repentance means to change your mind. A godly grief leads to change and change with no REGRETS! While worldly grief leads to death and you can interpret that spiritually, mentally and eventually physically. For the past few years because of many of the hard things I have went through. I have felt stuck regretting! But as I read this verse, if I am grieving in the biblical way, godly grief will lead to change – a change without regrets. And I think, for the first time in a while I get why I feel I have relieved the same year thrice. I have been stuck in a regret cycle in grief. Grief is good but if I never allow grief to teach me than I have gained nothing. 2 Corinthians 9b says “ For you felt a godly grief, so that you suffered no loss from us.” in context , this passage was Paul responding to the Corinthian Church’s grief over his letter to them of correction. However, Paul says even though I grieved you, you suffered no loss because they learned from it! They learned from their grief and because of that suffered no loss.

Grief the Teacher

Grief has the ability to lead us to dark places. But it also has a great ability to teach us. In my life, too often I have focused on how hope deferred makes the heart sick. but the latter half of that verse says but a desire fulfilled is a tree of life! I can grieve what feels lost. But I must let it go and take what I can glean from that situation. If I do not, I will have regrets but that’s all I will have. grief is meant to lead us to change. Even the grief cycle has 5 stages and the latter ends in acceptance. But if I never work through the denial, anger , bargaining and depression- than I am unable to move forward to acceptance and exploring new options!

Writing this blog, made me realize how much I have been stuck in the middle stages of grief never allowing grief to push me forward with more wisdom than before. Even though I have only scratched the surface of what this means for me,I am excited to take this new perspective and change my mind about my grief. Instead I can ask what is grief teaching me? What can I learn? What stage of grief am I in? Am I stuck in any one stage of grief? As I ponder these questions, I find myself thinking about how I can learn form my experiences. How has my grief enriched me? And How can it possibly enrich others? While I don’t have much answers yet, I have much to think about.

I hope this encourages you to ponder your own grief. Is it godly or worldly? Does it lead you to regret or change without regret? What is your grief teaching you?