Ecclesiastes 3:11 “He has made everything beautiful in its time. Also, he has put eternity into man’s heart, yet so that he cannot find out what God has done from the beginning to the end”

Over the last few weeks, I have shared parts of me that feel raw and vulnerable. I wrote blogs when I felt I didn’t want to. And even though I had fallen behind , I caught back up. What has been encouraging to me in this journey of writing this blog, is that I keep going. Even if no one reads it. Honestly, it s been a bit encouraging to write and not tell a soul. Sometimes, its easier to say things here and imagine no one is reading or no one would be affected by it. But this past week, I came across a journal entry that moved me. It was me writing about being” frozen in grief.” At the time, I had no idea what that meant. But I write my honest feelings down. and what’s beautiful to see is that God truly does make everything beautiful in its time. God knew Grief held me captive but I wasn’t sure how healing would come. I wasn’t sure what I needed. So last year, When God said to write about my pain- he was answering a groaning of my soul that was too deep for my own words to express. In short, as I read that poem, I realize God always saw me! And this journey, of outwardly expressing the grief in my heart is just a culmination of the answered prayer I cried at the end of this poem. I ask the God who sees to fill every broken part of me and he does. And these letters are like God’s answered prayer to me. He did hear me. And in this sharing, I am seeing him heal me and provide every need. He really does make everything beautiful in its time! without further adieu, a poem of me sharing my grief to God dated August 23, 2023.To see my heart reach out to God in hope and not see how that prayer would be answered– to now see this blog is an answer to that healing is AMAZING!

A journal entry in poem form 08/23/23

Sometimes

I feel frozen in grief 

I make believe this is easier than it feels

I know waiting is right and honorable and pleases God so why does it hurt me?

Following God is biblically described as hard and narrow, a way for few not the many

Sometimes feels lonely, only

Suddenly caught between what feels like a press, pressing till every ounce of oil is left 

Bereft, I feel a sense of longing,

A weariness settling in to the deep parts of me

Grief rising up to say it’s sick of me

Tears flowing out to get rid of the sound

Of painful groans I dare not speak

Faith calls out to me, beckoning me to a hope I can’t feel or grasp, just believe 

One more step, think only of today 

God honestly I’m sad

Waiting for a husband feels unbearable

Looking up to you at a life single without a husband feel frustrating and sometimes useless

I don’t have gifts that come in human form like my form feels made for 

The life I bear is something no one sees

Invisible to the human eye it’s mine to delight alone with God

It’s hard to feel rich and barren at same time

Full yet yearning 

Wanted the tangible blessing, till I realized everything that lasts,  will outlast my viewing 

So I can’t rely on eyes that barely see a few decades at least & partial at best

So I’m sure it feels weak, and often my heart bleak but I know something awaits for me

The God who sees, hard to write when feeling unseen 

The God who sees, fill up the parts I feel are empty 

The God who sees and will provide every blessing

Help Me release this grief 

The God who sees May my reward not be light ,

a light and momentary plight 

One day sunless skies will be so bright

A sight only pure eyes shall delight!

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Surely He is the God who sees. Maybe he is turning your grief into something beautiful in its time. Entrust your heart and plans to God and see him bring the healing and hope you need!