Acts 20:24, But I do not account my life of any value nor as precious to myself, if only I may finish my course and the ministry that I have received from the Lord Jesus, to testify to the gospel of the grace of God.

Discovering Identity

One thing that I have found interesting in this season is clarity. Clarity about friendships, life and even more purpose. I have heard God say he would give me clarity but I didn’t understand it. In this season,it feels uncomfortably calm and quiet. God is not quiet but it almost feels still; like I can’t quite see what’s going on below the surface. And yet, I feel a change coming that’s so palpable, I could feel it in the depths of my being. One of the things I have found clarity about is who I am and what value I bring, especially in a church context. I have been a christian for almost 15 years. I bring a lot of experience following God starting from a relatively young age 18, and walking with him for over a decade now. I have seen friends who I once walked with walk away from the Jesus I love. I have been through church hurt and have found Jesus to be true about everything He said in the scriptures. I have questioned obeying God wondering if it will really pay off. I have thought of walking away myself, yet finding an inexplicable draw to remain. God has kept me and I feel purposed to share the things I have learned on this journey. A journey filled with disappointment, doubt and fear yet also Joy, transformation and purpose!

What I discovered of me: the purposes, scripture and the truths that girds me:

I am the girl who often felt boxed in, only now discovering it felt that way because I was called to be set apart

The girl who walked with God and things fell apart, only for him to align his purposes for me

Who after many years still wants to honor him yet struggles to submit his plan

I am a cracked pot of clay carrying a treasure to show that the surpassing power is the Lords

To proclaim the excellencies of Him who took me from darkness to light

To share my life boldly in honesty and vulnerability

To share triumphs and failures to the Glory of His name

A companion of the man of sorrows

Wanting to honor Him yet tired and yearning

To reach the older brothers in church

To till & cultivate the soil

That through discipleship

Gods word will fall into good soil and produce 30, 60 and 100 fold

I am called to the lost in the church

To equip and speak that they may know

To encourage them to choose this day who they will serve

Even if they don’t choose God himself,

But to know they must choose

I am burdened to teach & lead

so that in his hands, he can use me

It feels weighty in my chest

Full in my soul

For years He has beckoned me

And now I rise to meet it

In the process of this becoming

God has met me

So I will be still and know

And for now, that is enough