1 Samuel 2:8, “The Lord brings death and makes alive; he brings down to the grave and raises up.
⁷ The Lord sends poverty and wealth; he humbles and he exalts. Raises the poor from the dust and lifts the needy from the ash heap; he seats them with princes and has them inherit a throne of honor.

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What if I am exactly who God created me to be?

This past week, it felt like the gifts that went dormant have started breathing again.

Like parts of me are finally showing up. I posted a video on TikTok of me doing a spontaneous worship set with my guitar. Do you know how long it’s been since I last sang and played? Since I let myself get lost in a spoken word simply because the Holy Spirit led me?

How long it’s been since I felt at home in community — safe enough to open up about who I am, even when who I am still scares me?

Something about this season feels like both moving forward and coming home.

I realize I’ve been holding back in fear — afraid that what’s ahead might look like the disappointments of my past. But what if it won’t? What if the future is far more glorious? What if life has been waiting for me to catch up to the truth it already knows about me?

I once had a vision of God — massive, luminous, behind me. Covered in light, so bright I couldn’t see Him, but I knew it was Him. And there I was, small at His feet, doing great things in His name. Then I stepped aside to show the people — it was God all along working through me.

That image has stayed with me for years. And it rises again now — as if whispering: maybe God is asking you to become more of who He created you to be. Maybe He really does stand behind me. Maybe He’s always been there, urging me to become. What if I’ve been sitting on the gifts He gave me — while He’s been waiting on me to live them?

Maybe this grief was always meant to birth something marvelous.

Out of Hannah’s despair, she prayed — and promised God that if He gave her a son, she’d give him back to Him. God not only answered with Samuel — but with many more children. Her grief was purposeful.

I am learning that mine is too. That even from what feels like ashes — God will bring life.