Romans 8:28, And we know that for those who love God all things work together for good, for those who are called according to his purpose.
An Awakening
Last week, I wrote about an awakening in me — about God waiting for me to live the life He had planned all along. Looking back, I think that’s why the last three years (2022–2024) felt like they were on repeat. I kept saying I needed to change, but I never did. I had dreams and desires I didn’t pursue, and if you had asked me why, I couldn’t have told you.
On the surface, everything looked perfect. I had just finished my MBA, landed a great-paying job, moved into a beautiful apartment, drove my dream car, and traveled internationally. I was living a life I had once only imagined. Yet, I found myself struggling — especially with where my life was.
I struggled with singleness.
I struggled with starting over in a new city.
I struggled with past failures and the feeling that I wasn’t where I “should” be.
But what if I was exactly where I needed to be — and just couldn’t find peace in it because I wouldn’t accept that truth?
When Grief Follows You
Even though life was good, grief followed me. I carried layers of unresolved grief — from moving across the country three times in four years, church hurt, abandonment, loneliness, and singleness.
Add to that the stress of a new corporate position, trying to build community, and navigating isolation — it was a lot. I wanted someone to face life with as I thought that would be the solve for my problems. but the focus should have been on what was going on inside of me. Instead, I kept going, avoiding the need to slow down and process.
I did have a therapist when I first moved, knowing I needed support living in a new state alone. But I never took inventory of my life — where I was going or if I was even happy with where that path was leading.
When Life Stops You
Eventually, life demanded that I stop.
2024 became one of the hardest years of my life. I lost my voice — literally. Talking too much could make me lose it, and singing (something I loved deeply) became impossible. I had to step down from my church’s worship team. Eating certain foods became painful, and months of hospital tests revealed no clear cause.
I was burnt out at work, but as the sole provider in a “household of one,” quitting wasn’t an option. I started showing up to work at 10 a.m., drained and detached.
At one point, I even said, “I get why Robin Williams and Twitch committed suicide.” That realization shook me. People pleasing was killing me — spiritually, emotionally, and physically.
By the end of the year, I faced two friendship breakups and had never felt so lonely. In hindsight, I can see that all my habits — poor eating, overworking, ignoring stress, neglecting purpose — had reached their breaking point.
And now I call that breaking point what it truly was: God’s grace.
The Year of Change
2024 forced me to face what I had avoided. I had already started a health journey in 2023, but 2024 accelerated everything. I lost over 20 pounds and, for the first time, learned to eat clean — eliminating sugar and gluten almost completely.
I changed jobs. I confronted my tendency to overwork. Losing my voice made me slow down and ask hard questions:
How was I using my voice outside of church?
Why wasn’t I stewarding the gift God gave me?
When that gift was taken away, I realized how little I had valued it. Yet in the silence that followed, other dormant gifts began to awaken.
The Turning Point: Fasting
In April 2024, I saw an Instagram post that said, “Give God 3 days.” It was a call to a three-day water fast. I had never done one before — in fact, I had avoided fasting after a bad experience years earlier.
But something in me said yes.
Looking back, I think my soul was hungry for change. That fast became a turning point. By Day 3, I experienced a peace that truly surpassed understanding. Afterward, fasting became a rhythm — I joined my church fasts, did several three-day water fasts, and even a 25-day one from 6 a.m. to 3 p.m.
Fasting helped break my unhealthy patterns with food and overindulgence. It quieted distractions and helped me hear God more clearly. It revealed my brokenness, but it also brought healing — even physically.
During one fast, I felt God whisper, “Some things don’t come out without fasting and praying.”
That second three-day fast was brutal — I had headaches, a double ear infection, and a cold. But on the third day, something shifted. Since that fast, my menstrual cycle — which hadn’t been normal for 14 years — became completely regular.
It’s personal, but it’s part of my testimony: fasting changed my life.
Led to the End of Myself
As I look back on my journals from 2023, I see entries filled with frustration — tired of bad habits, procrastination, and spiritual numbness. I even felt God say the reason I had been denying him had been because of my grief!
Now I see it clearly: this journey of transformation wasn’t self-made. It was God-led. He gently led me to the end of myself — to fasting, prayer, and surrender.
Sometimes, the hardest trials are the answers to our biggest prayers. Through them, God builds in us the strength to carry the blessings He’s preparing.
Restoration
Now, in October 2025, I can finally say:
I have community.
I have a church home I love.
I eat healthy and have kept the weight off.
My voice is healing.
I’m surrounded by new friends and deeper faith.
Like the church in Ephesus in Revelation, I feel like I’ve rediscovered my first love. God has restored me — and I am falling in love with Him all over again.
The awakening I felt last week is the culmination of everything God has been doing in me: restoring creativity, courage, and purpose. Singing, writing, creating — I’m alive again.
When I am who God wants me to be, then who I am can truly shine.
All Things for Good
This week, a friend said, “You are such a gem. I’m so thankful for you.”
It reminded me of the heartbreak I felt last year losing two core friendships — and how far God has brought me since.
Romans 8:28 says, “And we know that all things work together for good to those who love God, to those who are called according to His purpose.”
I’ve seen it firsthand.
God really does work all things — even the painful ones — for our good.
To this, I testify. ✨
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