Ephesians 4:22 You were taught , with regard to your former way of life, to put off your old self, which is being corrupted by its deceitful desires’ to be made new in the attitude in your minds, and to put on the new self, created to be like God in true righteousness and holiness

A REFLECTION on these grief letters series

I’ve run from facing my pain for a long time. I have fought what I thought were bad emotions like grief, anger and sadness. However, in a little less than 4 weeks, I come to the end of this grief letter series. I listened when God had told me to share my pain and to write weekly blog posts. I have written 49 grief letters including this one and I am so proud of myself for catching up and actually doing what God has called me to do. It’s been amazing to express my woes and wrestle through them to find the lessons in them. 49 Letters of grief, heartaches and wrestling that have led to transformative revelation and knowledge. And the biggest result has been a better understanding of myself and how God has been working in my life. In 2024, you couldn’t have told me I would have written about my pain and put it out there in the world. I could not have grasped how much writing these letters would heal me in ways I have always longed to be healed. I needed this series, and I needed to process the lessons.

When I first stated writing it was in obedience and to share with others. But later it became harder to share my pain so openly’ so I wrote for me. And while I wish I could have shared it more, I plan to make this series into a hard copy of a guide to grief or a journal when life doesn’t go exactly as planned and releasing the grief of that! one thing I can say with assurance is that I am not the same person when I first started writing these letters, and in a way I will never be the same. I plan to continue writing other series too. this is just the beginning for me. This blog has cultivated my love for writing and processing my own thoughts! I am grateful for this space to become and even more grateful for anyone who has encouraged me along the way! But most importantly, to God who encouraged me to share my pain. I am thankful for the way he has healed me.

making room to grow

yesterday, I came across a poem about living with no margin. A poem about wanting to face myself and my issues but not accepting the cost of change yet. I wrote this poem in February 2024 and in 2025 these grief letters are a sharp contrast to what I was doing before . These grief letters have confronted my issues directly and I have never been prouder that I have been facing myself even though it’s been a tough journey at times. I can say with my whole heart God has used these letters to heal me. and I can confidently say, I have more margin in my life to confront me; to finally walk in a different way than what I have been in prior years.

To say I am grateful is an understatement! So below I share that poem. The cry of my heart in 2024 was to stop busying myself and face me. In 2025, God answered that prayer by nudging me to write these grief letters. So today I remember where I was, so I can rejoice about where I am! I still have growing to do, but old Rachelle would be proud of me because I finally stopped running!

Margin

Living with no margins

Meandering in the cycle

Addicted to the broken

Lost in the moment

Making out in  The surface

Drowning & I don’t show it

Constant and never stopping

Busy is my hobby

Constant is my flow 

And silence my scariest moment

I live in a state of exhaustion

I’m so used to it, lying to my self believing

It will all work out in the end

But if I waste this time will I always be drawn by the tide

Controlled by external and never grounded internal

I blame myself but haven’t accepted the cost of change yet

I’m moving but I’m not thinking

Moving feels better when I am sinking

When will you stop the cycle and let your choice rule you

God has so much for you

But how can you grasp it

When you can barely see where you are going

You say this and that but when will you act

Your heart is bleeding

So What about that?

When will you stop and pay attention

To your heart screaming at the core

For more, an empty cup won’t fill anyone up

Im seeing you bursting at the seams

You can’t love anyone without first loving thee

Stop running I know you’re scared

Of your conscience blasting records of a past you can’t seem run away from

Because maybe its time to confront it

Stop running

Sometime silence is a friend 

Heavy and deep it only speaks when invited

But you’ve gotta make space to make sense of the things causing  you to lose the margins of your page

So stop maybe everything you’re running from is exactly what you long to embrace