Matthew 13:52 And he said to them, ” Therefore every scribe who has been trained for the kingdom of heaven is like a master of a house, who brings out of his treasure, what is new and what is old.”

Have you ever heard of the phrase that the pen is mightier than the sword? I learned it was first said by playwright, Edward Bulwer-Lytton- someone I knew nothing about. But his quote always rang true to me. They have the power to shape history and change lives. We see how instrumental words are have to movements, protests, wars, propaganda and so much more. Personally, words have always been special to me- whether that’s writing poems, journaling or singing them in song. There is a power to putting your words and transforming it into art. Its why music resonates so deeply with others. We understand, experience and feel through the words poetically expressed. As a spoken word artist, I play with words, syntax and diction to explain my current emotional state. For the poems I write they carry a certain weight, the more vulnerable I become. I’ve marveled at spoken word events hearing poets share their deepest emotions and experiences usually before crowd who do not know them.These same words, if spoken in any other context would be too much! It tells me there is something powerful about sharing & hearing each other’s stories. It tells me there is a collective healing in the telling of our stories. And as a writer it’s a responsibility to write and share the stories- that are not meant for me but for the collective healing.

So for today’s post I share a poem I have written a few years ago. It so deeply encapsulates this season of my life; season of becoming, of letting go, of challenging self. In it holds the tension between where I am, where I want to be and who I am becoming. This a poem that holds a lot of grief yet still looks for hope so potently. This is my poem, Breathe

Breath

If I’d had my own way

I’d fill this womb with babies

I’d be celebrating my 5th or 6th wedding anniversary with my love

Surrounded by the family we created

Content, I’d smile wide as I look at my family confident that this life is me

But it’s not you see

And yet I have played that trope like a broken record or my favorite song

Ad nauseum 

Don’t get me wrong I’m thankful for the things God gave me, but it’s not exactly what I wanted 

More career woman than mom

More single than taken 

More freedom than I can spend 

Loneliness hugs me like a familiar friend 

And I’m so tired of him 

Or  am I?

Or does my loneliness challenge me

Challenge me not to hide behind kids + wife

And be more of what God called me to be

Do I not like  singleness because I don’t like me

Do I sit comfortable waiting for a prince to save me from my own lack of discipline 

Why is it so uncomfortable to not meet society’s expectations 

And when did they become my owns

Why is it so hard to chill, to wait 

To simply be with me 

To accept being single is good for me

Why does my chest tighten

My heart quake

Why do I over eat when I don’t need?

What void am I trying to fill

And why am I trying to fill it 

What’s empty?

Why is my cup not overflowing

Or did it all spill out 

Why does this same tune play 

I want to run away

I want to run away

It’s too hard to sit and not play

In the quiet it’s too quiet

The silence amplifies the noise inside

I can’t ignore the tears I cry

I cannot ignore the pleas that try to rise

To the surface

Calling me trying to fill the voice inside 

I feel it but all I want to do is hide

Escape it

But I cannot continually lie 

My conscience is restless

It wants to deal with the voice inside 

Empty out the void inside

There’s something deep that’s wanting me to explore inside

Don’t be afraid

To wade inside that human eye

Humanity isn’t merely flesh

There’s much more inside 

If God blew breathe inside your lungs

There’s more than enough life inside

So breathe & let the truth be told

Don’t be afraid

Of the music that has rocked your soul

It is the melody of heaven

It won’t rest until it’s sound comes out

So breathe & let the spirit speak

Such creativity to take ashes & bring life

Such beauty to take broken & make whole

So breathe & let that air move you

One more line, one more time 

What wonder lies on the other side